Setting Realistic Expectations to Avoid Overwhelm
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It’s a normal Wednesday morning. You’ve just finished homeschool co-op. The kids are playing in the park across the street while you sit on a nearby picnic bench with three other homeschool moms. You’re exhausted. It was your turn today to teach American History to a group of antsy pre-teens.
It should feel good to have a few moments to catch up with some friends before heading back home. But it feels like you’re procrastinating somehow. Your friends seem to have it all together, discussing how their kids’ lessons are done for the next month. You, on the other hand, don’t know what you’re doing tomorrow. You want to enjoy this rare moment to relax with friends, but you need to plan lessons for tomorrow, finish up that flow sheet for this afternoon’s Zoom work meeting, and bake cupcakes for the church bazaar. On top of all that, you still have to plan tonight’s dinner. You cave and decide, Maybe I’ll just pick up pizza. Again.
You look around at your friends marveling at how they have it all together. Yet, you’re always feeling overwhelmed and ineffective. You wonder, What am I doing wrong?
The Dangers of Perfectionism
First of all, that bubbly co-worker is probably not put together all the time. Even if she is, try to avoid comparing yourself to her or others. Everyone lives a different daily life, with different ways of dealing with their responsibilities.
Attempting to be perfect all the time leads to negative consequences, because:
It sets you up for failure.
It contributes to procrastination.
It damages self-worth.
The pursuit of perfectionism leads to unhappiness and stress. Chronic, prolonged stress can cause mental health problems such as anxiety and lead to overwhelm. It's important to set realistic achievable goals. It’s also just as important not to beat yourself up if you don't meet them.
How Overwhelm Results in Stress
The National Institutes of Health says that stress is worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation. Stress may be one-time or a short-term occurrence. It can also be long-term, happening repeatedly over a long period of time. Stress usually goes away once the situation is resolved.
For example, being overloaded with housework is a short-term stressor. Consider this, though: You are leading a 6-week-long project at work. Your company is counting on you to bring in a $100,000 payday. That can be considered a long term stressor.
When the stressor is removed, the worry goes away. But if the stress-inducing event is interfering with your life or involves a persistent feeling of dread that doesn't go away, then you may be experiencing anxiety.
Chronic Stress Affects Your Health
We've all had a scary moment at one time or another. Like when you’re having a nice quiet evening at home, sitting on the couch reading a juicy novel. Then you hear your front doorknob rattling. You’re not expecting anyone. Then you realize: Someone's trying to get in the house!
You instantly go into fight or flight mode. Adrenaline causes your heart to beat faster. Your blood pressure goes up. You break out in a cold sweat.
When you think you are in danger your stress hormone, cortisol, goes up. But when the perceived danger is resolved – the door opens and you realize it's just your sweetie coming home early from an out-of-town business trip to surprise you – cortisol goes down.
Cortisol typically acts as a protector. Besides alerting you to danger, it also controls your mood and your motivation levels. When your body is in a normal, calm state, cortisol helps repair tissues. But if cortisol stays at a constant high level too long, it causes harm to your body’s functions and systems. Some systems that may be affected are your immune system, digestive system, and reproductive system.
Long time activation of high cortisol levels can disrupt almost all of your body’s natural functions. This puts you at risk for many health problems, including:
anxiety and depression
muscle tension and pain
heart disease, heart attack high blood pressure, stroke
problems with memory and focus
sleep problems
weight gain
Healthy Ways To Cope With Stress and Overwhelm
Let's face it. You cannot take all of the stress out of your life. Consider including some of these healthy strategies to manage what impact stress has on you:
Eat a healthy diet. Get regular exercise. Get plenty of sleep.
Consider yoga, deep breathing, massage or meditation for a calming effect.
Keep a journal. Write about your thoughts or what you're grateful for in your life.
Take time for hobbies.
Make time for healthy relationships with friends and family.
Volunteer in your community. Helping others takes your mind off worries.
Prioritize tasks by what really needs to be done and what can wait.
Maintain overall health. Make sure you're keeping up with your regular health appointments and screenings.
Find ways to laugh.
Avoid unhealthy ways of managing stress such as consuming too much alcohol, overeating, tobacco use, and drug use.
Realistic Goal Setting
Another way to minimize stress and overwhelm is to set realistic goals.
You’ve heard this about goals before, right? But how do you do that effectively so that it actually creates positive change in your life?
One way is to make SMART goals. SMART goals are:
Specific– Instead of saying “I’m going to exercise more”, plan two or three movement activities into your week. Perhaps aim to take a 10-minute walk at lunch five days a week and do three yoga poses before bed.
Measurable– Instead of “Read more to the kids”, plan on reading three nights per week to them before bed.
Attainable– Avoid setting goals that are too high or too low. It may take a bit to figure out what is the “just right” limit for yourself, but don’t give up!
Realistic– Set goals that you truly can attain to avoid feeling discouraged. If you're hosting tomorrow’s large family gathering, think about how you can lighten your load. Consider cooking only two main dishes. Picking up some ready-made sides reduces the chances of you becoming overwhelmed.
Trackable– When you opt for specific, measurable goals you can track your progress. You can keep up with your progress in a journal or a progress tracking app.
Remember to celebrate your wins – no matter how small. If you read only two books to the kids this week, consider how it is an achievement over the previous weeks when you didn’t read to them at all.
Time to seek help?
So what if you didn’t get everything done on your list today like that co-worker at the cleaners? Think about your wins. You got most of it done. Leaving some things undone is not the end of the world.
But what if you are still feeling the need to pile too much onto your plate? Then you’re overwhelmed - again?
Ask yourself, Is it time to seek help?
Look into working with a therapist if:
You are feeling constantly overwhelmed
You feel as if you're overthinking or have racing thoughts
You are often feeling anxious and unable to calm yourself down
Coral Rose Counseling is here to help. Therapy can help you develop healthy thinking patterns, healthy behaviors and positive coping strategies.
Sessions are conducted virtually for women residing in Georgia or Virginia.
Click here to set up a consultation today.
Resources
National Institutes of Health. Fact Sheet: “So Stressed Out”. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/so-stressed-out-fact-sheet
Gupta, Sanjana. “What Does It Mean To Feel Overwhelmed?” https://www.verywellmind.com/feeling-overwhelmed-symptoms-causes-and-coping-5425548#:~:text=When%20overwhelmed%2C%20a%20person%20is,and%20professor%20at%20Yeshiva%20University
Genewick, Joanne. “Setting SMART Goals.” https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/setting-smart-goals
