Negative Self-Talk
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Your inner critic has been at it all day.
As you were getting dressed: “You look terrible in those jeans.”
Right after the incident at work: “See. I can never say anything right.”
Your inner voice can be helpful and keep you motivated toward meeting your goals or deal with challenging times – when the comments it makes are positive.
When it warns you, “You committed to showing up, even though you’re tired” or “Maybe don’t say it that way in the team meeting”, these can be helpful in nature. It’s when your inner critic makes critical or negative comments that it’s more harmful than helpful for you.
It also creates stress for you and those around you.
Here's what you need to know about negative self-talk and its effects on your body, mind, and life in general.
What is Negative Self-Talk?
Harmful self-talk is when the dialogue in your head is constantly negative – more negative than it is positive.
Negative self-talk can take many forms. It may sound a lot like a critical parent or a childhood bully. Basically, it's that inner voice that limits your ability to believe in yourself.
Limitations of Negative Self-Talk
Negative self-talk can be damaging. It can contribute to:
depression
anxiety
stress
social anxiety
Other damaging effects of negative self-talk are:
limited thinking
perfectionism
relationship challenges
low self-worth
The most obvious drawback of negative self-talk is that it's … well, negative. It hinders your ability to achieve your goals.
Research has shown that positive self-talk is a great predictor of success. For example, one study following athletes compared four types of self-talk they used: instructional, motivational, positive and negative. The findings supported that positive self-talk was the greatest predictor of success.
Negative self-talk also hinders your personal relationships. Constant self-criticism often makes people feel insecure, causing them to constantly seek reassurance from others. The other person may become overwhelmed or frustrated by your constant need for validation.
One of the damaging aspects of negative self-talk is that it often goes unchallenged. After all, if it's going on in your head. Others around you may not be aware of it. There’s no one to tell you it’s untrue.
Increasing your awareness of your self-talk is the first step. Then you can ask yourself how true it is. Most negative self-talk is distorted through the lens of our fears, anxieties, and insecurities. Practicing challenging negative self-talk can reduce its impact. When an inner critic is at its worst, it can feel like your worst enemy.
How do I change this? When you catch a negative thought running through your head, make a point to imagine yourself saying it to a treasured friend. If you know you wouldn't say it this way to a friend, think of how you would say it. And think of what your good friend would say to you. This is a great way to shift your perspective.
How to Minimize Negative Self-Talk
There are many ways to reduce negative self-talk in your daily life.
Learn to notice when you're being critical. For example, notice when you say things to yourself that you wouldn't say to a good friend or a child. Remember that thoughts are not facts. Thinking negative things about yourself may feel like astute observations, but your thoughts and feelings about yourself are not always congruent with reality.
Give your inner critic a nickname. Think of your inner critic as a force outside of yourself, and give it a goofy nickname, such as Negative Nellie. It makes it easier to confront those thoughts as being outside of yourself and that you don't have to agree with them. They become less threatening and are easier to question.
When you assign the thoughts to an outside “person”, you can more easily analyze the thoughts for accuracy. You’ll likely find they’re untrue.
Give your inner voice limitations. Only allow your inner critic to criticize certain things in your life for only an hour a day. Placing a limit on it gives you power over the thoughts.
Neutralize negativity with thought-stopping and repetition. Simply stopping a negative thought in its tracks can be helpful. This technique is called thought-stopping. You simply change your negative thought to a positive thought. You could even use a rubber band on your wrist, snapping it when a negative thought rears its ugly head. Visualizing a stop sign is also helpful.
Thought-stopping can be helpful with repetitive or extremely critical thoughts, such as “I'm no good. I'll never be able to do this”. Take the negative thought and change it to something encouraging and accurate.
For example:
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Instead of this: “I made a disaster out of that! Why do I even try?”
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Instead of this: “I never get things right.”
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Instead of this: “I’m a loser.”
Repeat the positive thoughts until you find yourself needing to do it less and less often.
The best way to form healthy habits is through repetition. But habits won't change overnight. Repeating positive self-talk or affirmations over and over will eventually get ingrained in your mind. That's how negative thoughts got there in the first place - you repeating them over and over. So instead, try repeating more balanced thoughts to replace the negative ones.
Writing down realistic or positive thoughts can also help them to take hold.
Focus on the long term. Sometimes, focusing on the long term can help you realize that you may be placing too great an emphasis on something. For example, ask yourself if something you're upset about will really matter in five years or even one. The problem will likely seem insignificant if viewed that way.
Say it out loud. Sometimes, when you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts in your head, simply saying them out loud or telling a trusted friend what you're thinking about often leads to a good laugh. This shines a light on how untrue some of your negative self-talk is.
Avoid using negative self-talk to “motivate”. Self-discipline doesn't require being mean to yourself. Remember that constant negativity can limit your success rather than cultivate it.
When Should You Seek Help?
If you find that negative self-talk is significantly impacting your life despite your efforts to change it, consider seeking help from Coral Rose Counseling for additional guidance and strategies.
Therapy sessions are conducted virtually for women residing in Georgia or Virginia.
Click here to set up a consultation today.
Resources
Scott, E. (2023, November 22). The toxic effects of negative self-talk. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-self-talk-and-how-it-affects-us-4161304
Cleveland Clinic. (2022, September 26). Constantly down on yourself? How to stop negative self-talk. Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-negative-self-talk-and-how-to-change-it
Psychology Today. (n.d.). Self-talk. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-talk
Kim, J., Kwon, J. H., Kim, J., Kim, E. J., Kim, H. E., Kyeong, S., & Kim, J. J. (2021). The effects of positive or negative self-talk on the alteration of brain functional connectivity by performing cognitive tasks. Scientific Reports, 11(1), 14873. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-021-94328-9
