New year, new you? What to do if your New Year’s resolutions have fizzled
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Every year you bow to it. This pressure to make New Year’s resolutions. Sometimes they end up being unrealistic goals that you can’t meet and that only fuel your anxiety.
You set a goal to ditch the drive-thru and eat more home-cooked meals. On January 1, you download a month’s worth of recipes. January 2, you go grocery shopping and then go home to start meal prepping. By January 3 you’re exhausted from organizing it all… and well, what’s one more pizza delivery gonna hurt, right?
One more pizza probably wouldn’t be a big deal except that by January 6, you’ve abandoned the whole plan. You end up with guilt-laden anxiety from disappointment in yourself.
Distinguishing Between Habits & Routines
Intellectually, you know it’s good that you tried to make a change, even though the first attempt at the new habit didn’t fully go to plan. You wonder how to improve on meeting the goals you set.
Improving on habits signal your growth. They help you reach goals and promote health. Undesired habits not only inhibit your growth, but they can be harmful to your body, mind, and emotions. And when things are not quite right in your universe, it can cause anxiety.
Habits often emerge unconsciously, taking shape during moments of mental autopilot. For example, you might often dig into a tub of ice cream after a stressful workday. Soon, you find yourself having an ice cream “appetizer” as soon you get home from work, even on good days. You’ve formed a new habit without even realizing it.
The primary difference between a daily routine and a habit is intention. Habits happen on autopilot, but routines happen with deliberate practice. Habit formation, on the other hand, often happens without conscious thought.
It’s okay if you need to use more brain power to consciously form that new habit. Many psychologists now encourage this.
The "Tiny Tweaks" Principle
Psychologist Susan David recommends making “tiny tweaks” that minimize anxiety but add up to big change over time. It is often more effective to make small, subtle changes that steer you in the direction of your values. This is the basis of the "tiny tweaks" principle – taking small steps toward your goal. This way it reduces pressure and boosts confidence when you can make small changes first.
The Tiny Tweaks Principle involves four steps:
Adjust Your Environment
If you’re trying to eat less junk food, stock the pantry with fresh fruit instead of cookies. This way, when willpower is low, your healthy option is the only option.
Piggyback New Behaviors onto Existing Habits
Perhaps you want to meditate more but can’t seem to find the time.
Consider practicing a few minutes of mindfulness or deep breathing while waiting for your morning coffee to brew.
Or, you’ve been noticing that long periods of sitting all day are starting to hurt your back. You might build in more stretching throughout the day. During long Zoom calls where you don’t need to be on video, do some light stretching or stand up.
These natural pairings help add more adaptive choices into your established routines seamlessly.
Develop "If-Then" Plans
If your coworker brings in leftover birthday cake, you eat the fruit cup you packed in your lunch instead. When it’s time to make those five sales calls, you may want to skip it or push it off until later. Remind yourself how accomplished you’ll feel after you complete them, “If I do this now, I’ll feel better later.”
Balance Optimism with Planning
Psychologists have researched how well pairing optimism with planning works.
One weight loss study found that preparation beat visualization. Study participants who visualized diet challenges did better than those who just visualized their ideal bodies. While positive visualization was important, the researchers found that planning for real obstacles led to lasting change for participants.
The Power of Small Changes
James Clear, author of "Atomic Habits," champions the compound effect of tiny daily actions. His main message is that minor habits, practiced consistently, can transform your life in remarkable ways.
Setting new goals won’t automatically get you new results. You have to change your lifestyle. The change in lifestyle is a process that helps you build those new habits.
"Atomic Habits" has a powerful idea at its core: tiny changes can yield great results. Like compound interest, small habits build powerful momentum when practiced day after day.
Drinking just one extra glass of water each day, for example, can greatly improve your health. This small change helps you stay hydrated, gives your skin a healthy glow, and increases your energy over time.
Four Steps to Making Small Changes
The four main takeaways from Clear’s teachings are: focus on systems, add in habit stacking, and surround yourself with positive people, and know your motivations.
Let’s explore these more deeply.
Focus on Systems, Not Goals
Clear suggests we put systems in place, not set individual goals. Systems will support your goals.
For example, instead of just wanting to "write a book," build a system. It might include goals like writing for 30 minutes every day or tracking your daily word count on the project. By focusing on the system, the goal is more easily achieved. Consistent effort is key.
Habit Stacking
Habit stacking helps you pair a new behavior with an old one.
Let’s say forgetting to floss is a problem. But you always brush your teeth, then watch a late-night show before going to bed. Placing your floss on your nightstand and flossing while you watch TV is a way to form that habit. Adding a new habit to an existing one makes it easier to remember and stick with.
But habits need to have four characteristics to make them stick. These are called the Four Laws of Behavior Change.
In order to make a new routine a habit, make sure the new habit is:
obvious
attractive
easy
satisfying
Obvious Making habits obvious or easy to remember helps us remember to do them. Such as placing the floss on the nightstand.
Attractive Making them attractive—or pairing it with something enjoyable—helps us want to do them. For example, you hate housework. But you love music. Listening to your favorite playlist while doing 30 minutes of housework can make the task easier.
Easy Making new habits easy, we are more likely to do them consistently (and not avoid them). For instance, if you want to read more, start by reading just one page a day. The point is to make it so easy that you can’t say no to it.
Satisfying If you reward yourself, you are likely to stick with a new habit over time. So, after housework, you reward yourself with 15 minutes of relaxation with a good book.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People
The importance of who you surround yourself with is especially important when you’re trying to establish new habits. No one needs a Negative Nelly around nixing all the positive changes you are trying to make.
Having positive feedback from family and friends will also help you break old habits and establish new ones. Growth-oriented people provide positive energy and motivate you. They also provide accountability.
Know Your Motivation
When forming a new habit, it’s also important to know where your motivation is coming from. Ask yourself why you want to make this change. How important is this habit formation to you, really? It’s hard to connect your actions to making a change that’s not based on your own beliefs.
Is it your mother pushing you to lose 20 pounds? Or is it your own inner desire? Is it your business partner who is pushing you toward increasing sales revenue? Or is it coming from your own values? Making successful changes will only come from internal motivation, not external.
If it’s something you have to do, you’re less likely to follow through. But if you want to do it, you’ll have more internal motivation.
Vision + Strategy = Success
Success with new habits requires both vision and strategy. Start by visualizing your desired outcome. Then map out the steps to reach it.
Imagining the joy of reaching your goal can fuel you—push you—toward achieving it.
But it's also crucial to think about possible challenges you might face. Thinking ahead can prevent a cycle of anxiety if setbacks happen.
Other Tips Toward Creating Lasting Healthy Habits
Behaviors can become habits when done consistently over time. They become automatic. If you want to change or develop a new habit, you should also:
Identify Triggers Recognize patterns that encourage undesired habits. Notice what you do regularly. Is there anything that triggers the habit you want to change? For example, do you tend to snap at others when you’re running late for work?
Plan Ahead Have strategies to navigate obstacles. If you want to cut out sugary snacks, but you walk by a bakery every day during lunch, consider taking a different route.
Keep a Record Track progress for motivation. Studies of people trying to lose weight found that daily tracking led to the most weight loss. This lends credence to keeping track of your goal, even if it’s not weight loss related. Making a conscious effort to be aware of your behavior helps you change.
Finally - Address Underlying Issues
Good habits propel you forward. They foster growth and success. Undesired habits create obstacles that hold you back. Lasting change takes time. It comes from small, consistent changes that build up. You can change for the better and succeed. Be mindful of your daily routines. Plan your actions. Then, take deliberate steps to improve.
Notice if you struggle to form and maintain new habits or feel anxious about change. This may be a sign additional support is needed.
Coral Rose Counseling in Alpharetta, Georgia, specializes in treating women with anxiety. Therapy can help you develop healthy behaviors to meet your goals.
Sessions are conducted virtually for women residing in Georgia or Virginia.
Click here to set up a consultation today.
Resources
David, S. (2022, July 6). The enormous power of tiny tweaks. Susan David. https://www.susandavid.com/newsletter/the-enormous-power-of-tiny-tweaks/
Duke Health and Well-Being. (2023, April 20). Five lessons from the book Atomic Habits you can apply today. Duke Health and Well-Being Blog. https://dhwblog.dukehealth.org/five-lessons-from-the-book-atomic-habits-you-can-apply-today/
Clear, J. (2024, January 4). 3-2-1: Starting the new year the right way, how to stay focused, and a lesson on long-term thinking. James Clear. https://jamesclear.com/3-2-1/january-04-2024
National Institutes of Health. (2018, March). Creating healthy habits. NIH News in Health. https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2018/03/creating-healthy-habits
Babauta, L. (n.d.). The best goal is no goal. Zen Habits. https://zenhabits.net/no-goal/
